Shifting Sands

No TA yet, so any dreams about a miracle making it possible for us to join the group from our agency leaving on December 2nd are fading fast.


Christopher and I are so funny!

When we started this adventure back in February, I sat down with the school district's calendar for the 2010-11 school year and informed God exactly when He was going to have us travel. I figured that if we left on December 16th, our teenagers could arrange to take their finals early. We would all be together as a family for Christmas in China! Then we'd return home either on December 31st or January 1st, giving all the kids a few days to recover from jet lag before heading back to school. I even wrote out a list of all the adoption expenses we'd have along the journey, including traveling with the kids, so God would know just how big a check he needed to write me. Christopher had his own plan. He knew that he usually gets a bonus check in January each year. So his plan was for us to travel in January when we might have a little more money for adoption expenses.

This summer we enjoyed a family vacation to Chicago and visiting cousins in Michigan with four of the five (Caleb was in China for a special youth conference). What fun! Yeah, that was just enough to burst my dreamy trip with all of them. The thought of dragging the five of them around China, tired, cranky, hungry, whining, fussing, and squabbling just didn't sound like the best environment to welcome our new daughter who would have her own emotional and physical needs.

Plus, we can already tell that Keziah is beginning to regress in some areas. She's getting whirly. One way that we've discovered that she deals with stressful situations is by her behavior getting whirly. This understanding has helped us understand more about her behavior when we first met in China. She's just not the kind of kid who shuts down, nor the weepy or angry kid. She's more of the explosive, pinball ricocheting kid. Taking her into the familiar world of China that is also foreign and strange from what she remembers with a new, confusing, and frustrating language barrier in reverse sounds like a recipe for disaster.

So I've kept changing the dates for God on my wish list.

He never wrote me that big, fat check I wanted, but He has provided for our needs along the journey. Not enough to take the whole crew, but enough.

Monday, I held my breath, hoping our TA would arrive. If it did, in theory, we envisioned lots of miracles which might have allowed us to leave with our agency's next group that leaves for China on December 2nd. I told God just how perfect this would be! I get to travel with a former travel buddy and other paper chasing cyber-pals, and we'd be back home the week before Christmas. What could possibly be better?

Christopher had even begun to lay out clothing to pack. I had mental lists of everything that I needed to get done. I even went mega-Christmas shopping last weekend and got most of my list finished.

So...it's Tuesday night. No TA. Are you thinking that this was not God's perfect plan?

I have searched online for airline ticket prices for every two week combination I can create between now and a mid-January departure date. Just so God knows which weeks the ticket prices are OUTRAGEOUS!

Just tonight, I was chatting with Christopher and mentioned that the "best" possible travel times might be in January now so we could be home for Christmas with the five here...and all the concerts, recitals, parties, etc. I think I may have just fallen over when he responded that he'd rather go sooner than later! Forget January! Now he thinks December would work better.

Don't you just think God is laughing His head off at us sometimes? I mean He's had this all planned since before the beginning of time, and here I am trying to tell Him how to order the universe but can't make up my mind what I REALLY want!?!?!