Time Warp

Maybe we are unique? 

Okay!  HA!  HA!  So we are!

Anyhow...Christopher and I discuss strange things sometimes.  We've had moments when we stop and ponder how life might have been different.

One stop moment has been the what if we had stopped having kids after we achieved the "perfect family"?  What perfect family?  Two kids...one boy and one girl...Caleb and Miranda. 

(So are you really enjoying laughing that much?)

By perfect I mean the concept that we had it all...even number...both sexes...healthy, happy, "normal" kids. 

As we have pondered this in recent months, we are shocked by how close we could have been to being empty nesters!  When I think of just the two, I realize that I could have been the mom that I just can't be right now...totally committed to whatever they were involved in.  I would have the time to be the super cross country, band, NFL/debate, choir, drama mom.  More time than I have now with so many more committments.

But then we think about all we could have missed without our little boys.  See once we start adding in Josiah to the what if questions it gets really hard to drop Elijah out of the equation.  Each and everyone of our kiddos has brought so much to our lives.  Challenged us and changed us!

Now we reach the point where you can what if another question - What if we stopped there?  No adoption.  No Keziah.  And no plans for Hadassah.

Yes, these are scary thoughts.  But remember where we are in the adoption process.  Just think of the last trimester of pregnancy.  This is when I would always begin freaking out and then declare, "I QUIT!"  Not like, I want the baby here.  I just wanted to be done.  No pregnancy, no labor, no delivery, no baby kind of done.  I did it with all four pregnancies.  Totally scared, I'd wish I could stop the speeding train ride I was on.  I'd always get over that momentary panic, but it still alway came.

So here we pondered the what if we'd stayed safe.  Never adopted. 

WOW!  What all I would have missed!

Yes, Keziah drives me crazy most days!  I had to convince her yesterday that she couldn't wear thick, cable tights on a heat advisory day.  She also later whined to me at Elijah's football practice about how hot she was.  She needed sunscreen.  Her hair was getting yucky.  Do you remember that this is the same child who is ALWAYS cold? 

But I would have missed out on sharing my life with this precious treasure!

I have no doubt that if we had let this moment in time slip by us, that one day Christopher and I would have been sitting in our rocking chairs nodding out gray heads and regretting that we never did adopt...just like his own grandparents.

So what brought about this post?

As I sat filling out more paperwork, so we'll be ready when Hadassah's approval arrives, I chanted the names of all the Chinese cities and provinces and the name of the social welfare institute as my pen glided across the pages.  Suddenly my head popped up from all the paperwork.  I gazed at Christopher who was catching up with friends on Facebook and asked him, "Did you ever think 20 ro 25 years ago thatwe'd have the names of Chinese cities and provinces rolling off our tongues so easily?"

*** FLASHBACK - At high school Project Graduation party, we were asked to write a letter to ourselves about where we saw ourselves in 20 years for a "time capsule" type experience that we'd open for our 20th reunion (the letters got lost by then).  Christopher stood up his best friend for their evening plans to follow me to the party.  He still had hopes that he'd catch me...after 19 years of marriage, I think he did. ***

Well, nope, neither of us ever imagined our lives this way.  But you know what?  I wouldn't trade a moment for any of those what if's! 

Loving all my kiddos!