Purging, Pondering, and Pouting

It seems that blogging has become one form of confession for me.  Somehow it seems that once I post my deep dark sins on the world wide web, I freed and forgiven.

So I'm back today...

Just in case you didn't know...

I am horribly competitive. 
I also struggle with jealousy. 

Those are my big confessions today.

The journey of adoption can be such and incredible teaching and refining tool for God.  I'm just a very slow student.

So what's this all about?

I WANT TO BE DTC!!!  NOW!!!!  (Adoption Lingo Translation: DTC = Dossier to China)

I'm totally bummed.  I worked so hard.  Frantically fast!  Did everything humanly possible to hurry our paperchase along.  For three weeks I was in overdrive.  Then the waiting started.  Everything is out of my control.  There is nothing I can do to make the days, weeks, and months move faster.

Some families that started paperchasing at the same time or even after us already have their paperwork in China.  As much as I rejoice with them...I also stomp my feet and kick the dirt telling God that it is not FAIR!

(pouting...deep breathe...sigh...pity party / temper tantrum over)

Yeah, my sin is not pretty.

So, back to the things I have to be thankful for...I am still totally praising God for that horrible week back in May when all those notaries got rejected.  Then I had a week and no kids home from school to get everything fixed.  If I had waited until now, it would have been a HUGE problem.  By the time our USCIS approval arrived, I was frantically trying to get Caleb packed off to China and the rest of the family loaded up for a fun, family vacation.  That little problem in May would have delayed us several weeks if I had to deal with it all in June and July.

So here I am...waititng for one more piece of paper to return from the Chinese consulate.  It should be here soon (back to that trusting God stuff).  Then our dossier should be ready for its big trip to China.

By the way, adoption isn't easy.  Even then, though I'm trying not to worry or panic or fret about other things out of my control, China could still say "NO."  They don't usually.  Our agency and social worker and even the US government should have reviewed everything.  There shouldn't be anything objectionable, but still...

Oh, and I've been planning to write this for a couple of days.  Knew I needed to this purging and confession.  Then today I learned that one of my paperchasing buddies (former travel buddies) has had their one last piece of paper lost by UPS.  They are looking for it.  We are praying that it will be found.  But I am humbled.  My whining seems so insignigicant and small.