Living the Vague Life

Woo Hoo! 

All our dossier documents have been bundled up on their way to our agency!  Next week, if everything passes inspection, they should be ready to start their journey to China.

I don't remember being this nervous about our dossier for Keziah's adoption, but I think I was actually sweating in the Kinkos/FedEx shop today.  Not because it was hot, but because I was gingerly handling all those papers and making sure I had everything...one more time.

Maybe this time is different because I actual got all the certifications and authentications?  Last time we HAD to use our agency's dossier assistance program because we were so slow.  When I mailed things off last time, I didn't have as many pieces of paper and hadn't invested as much time into each stamp and seal.

Maybe this time is different because each piece of paper brings us one step closer to Hadassah?  Last time we were paperchasing just as hard for Keziah in 2008, but we didn't yet have her face in our minds.  Just as our dossier was about to be mailed to China from our agency, we saw Keziah's picture for the first time.  Hadassah has been with me every step of this journey.  I've pushed, pursued, and prayed to bring one little girl, my daughter, home as quickly as I possibly could. 

Have I mentioned before that even at lightning speed, adoption is SLOW?  It will be almost exactly four months after we received our Pre-Approval from China that our dossier will be mailed to China.  Almost exactly five months since that unexpected email and our application to start this journey.

And the waiting has just begun...

This is the part I remember from Keziah's adoption.  Projections and estimates of when and if and maybe what might happen.  Current projections of our possible travel dates range from sometime in November until January 2011 or beyond.

I'm a planner by nature.  I can be spontaneous and flexible (do it every day), but I like to start out knowing at least what direction we're headed in.  Outlook on my computer, Blackberry on the ready, and color-coded calendaring posted in the kitchen.  I'm excited right now that the stores started stocking school supplies as they cleared the shelves of 4th of July stuff.  I just want to know when it all goes on sale!  I start planning the kids' summer schedule as I'm boxing up Christmas decorations.  I thrive on the peace and order on paper as the chaos of school schedules, doctor and dental appointments, sports, dance, band, theatre, lessons, etc. fill up every moment of every day.

For now though, we are entering this uncertain stage of our journey filled with so many questions and unknowns.  Already, I've caught myself telling people that I can't commit to dates and events. 

What will our life look like?  When will we travel?  Will the kids go with us?  Will they stay home (becoming more likely)?  Who will stay with all our kids at home if we have to leave them?  Thanksgiving?  Christmas?  Will we be home?  Who will be home?  What about all the kids' concerts and holiday events?  What and how many will we miss?  Will we need to scale back some holiday traditions to help Hadassah adjust?  Will we need to limit our decorating so it can all be taken down quickly while we pack?  Who will take over our children's ministry work?  How long will we need to step down to help Hadassah as she adjusts to her new home and family?  What about all the women's retreats, gingerbread houses, and Christmas productions?  What can I actually do?

Be informed that if you asking me about anything from November until some undetermined time in the future...my answer will be, "I have no idea."


So we have now entered the vague part of our adoption journey...

(Hint - This is one of those areas where I get to learn more about trusting God's perfect timing.  UGH!  I really don't like this lesson!  You'd think I'd finally get it just so I could stop repeating this over and over and over again.)