Now...not so good.
Today we begin day #38 of waiting for our Referral Acceptance (RA) or sometimes called a Letter of Approval/Acceptance (LOA).
Confused yet?
Its about to get worse!
Now, I had been doing fine with the waiting because my head has been filled with the number and statistics for comfort. Our agency told us from the beginning of the wait that "normal" is two to four MONTHS; however, recently there has been a trend for the RAs to come a little faster. I was aware from watching the statistics gurus' charts on Rumor Queen (a blog and message forum for adoptive families). Most families recently have been receiving their RAs within a 30 to 60 day window. Some have even been within a 20 day range.
Strange as it may seem, all these numbers are quite comforting.
Now, ready for it to get really complicated?
Families fall into different types of categories which also seems to affect the wait time.
The first and typically fastest group are families that have had their dossiers logged in for years! Many have been waiting in the "healthy" child que before deciding to switch and be matched with a waiting child. Their dossier has already been translated and reviewed. Many are also referred to as I-600 families because they entered the que before the Hague Treaty went into affect so their wait until traveling is also shorter...less paperwork.
Then you have several categories of I-800 families. These families are Hague families so even after receiving their RA the wait until travel is automatically longer than the first group (bummer). With Keziah (I-600) we left for China about six weeks after receiving out RA. That was a long wait. Now it could be three months or more.
So, back to these groups...
The second category includes families that have gone about the adoption process in a more typical fashion. They did all their paperwork FIRST, submitted their dossier, and then were matched with their child at least several months later. Once again, their dossier had a chance to be translated and reviewed before they officially asked to adopted their son or daughter. You guessed it! Next fastest.
Another subcategory of this previous group is families who submit their dossier and then within a few days or upto a month after their LID (logged in date) are matched with their child. They don't tend to move as quickly because their dossiers are still being translated when their request arrives.
Next category - crazy people like us! We are the group that asks China to adopt BEFORE our dossier is completed. Now some, if not most, families are already working on their dossier before they find their child, unlike us. However, their are several other families that we have been paperchasing with who found their child and then decided to adopt. Typically this group is one of the longer waiting.
Longest of all...families where China has a question about their dossier. Nobody wants to receive and RFE (request for evidence)! It means that China is not certain if your family will meet their requirements for approval and needs more information. Scary place to be. Plus then you have to track down what every is requested and get it signed, sealed, and aproved before it can go to China. It might be something like another doctor's letter to further explain a medical condiditon or type of medication you take. (In all fairness, China is just trying to make certain that their children are going to homes where they will be well taken care of.)
Now throw into all this crazy mixed up mess that there is truly NO predictable pattern to how paperwork is processed or how long families will wait!
Some families move at lightning speed! While others sit and wait for what seems an eternity.
Day 38 does not equal an eternity. It is totally within the ranges of normal.
BUT...
I mentioned some of my paperchasing buddies before, remember? One family we traveled with on our last adoption trip. Other families I have "known" by reading their blogs and websites and through our agency. Many of these families I would dearly love to travel with and meet face-to-face for the first time.
Well, Tuesday, the last family received their RA.
I am so thrilled for all of them! Word is that, if the next paperwork steps move at a "normal" rate, they could be home before Christmas with the best gifts ever - their newest family members!
It's just been harder than I expected for me emotionally right now.
I was prepared for some families on the charts and graphs to have a shorter wait than us. Families who have been waiting since 2006, 2007, or 2008 for their child to come home. I thought I'd be fine with families who were logged in months before they requested their child.
What has taken me by surprise has been families with dates just like ours or even those who have been waiting for a shorter period of time receiving their RAs this week.
Don't I just sound like a little kid, stamping my foot and yelling, "They cut in line! It's not fair!"
Yeah, not really happy with that picture in my head.
I'm trying so hard NOT to be selfish and self-centered. Trying not to pout. Part of me is truly rejoicing for these families. But then there is this other part of me.
Christmas...home by Christmas! Did you know that my little girl turns seven on December 2nd? Do you know how much I would love to be with her for that first birthday together this year? Hold her in my arms and love her up?
So I've basically spent the past two days as a weepy, emotional wreck! I've tried desparately to hold it together, but I'm failing. I desire so much to trust God's perfect timing. I know in my head that He's got it all under control.
Still my heart is aching...
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Hadassah, Mama loves you, Princess! I miss you so much!
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Last night, I had the rare priviledge to help out in the nursery at church. I have forgotten how long it has been since I got to cuddle a baby. I probably looked like a complet idiot! I was asked to spoon baby food in and give my charge a bottle. Four birth children...and I know next to nothing about baby food and bottles. What I do know about though is snuggling and rocking! It was wonderful to kiss her precious little head and drink in that sweet baby smell!
Try as I might, I couldn't stop a tear or two from trickling down my cheek.
Here were these seven babies surrounded by arms to hold them, toys to play with, love and comfort. Each cry, each need was met. Diapers were changes, and food provided.
It was just hard to cuddle a sweet baby girl while thinking about my baby girl so far away. I wasn't there to feed her and hold her when she needed comfort.
Today, I have laundry, and painting, and cooking, and driving kids all over to keep me busy. Maybe I can stay focused on just putting one foot in front of another. Living the moment. Trusting God to worry with all the moments in life that are yet to come.
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