The Missing Years

Interesting thing - Today I was reading a friend's blog about how the adoption journey, though a wonderful blessing, is not the fairy tale, rosy world that it can some times be portrayed as in the bloggy world.  It is just plain difficult a lot of the time.

Tonight, we got to live it...again.

Christopher and I often talk about the missing years with Keziah.  The 6 1/2 years she lived in China. 

This, in my opinion, is one of the HUGE challenges of adopting an older child.  The come as a person, with a past and a history, not as a blank slate.  I can't redeem those years.  I can't change them.  They just are.  They are a part of who Keziah is today.

The flip side of this is that we were a missing part of these years.  Our home, our rules, our values, MY COOKING (she still gives me a hard time about that).

So after coming home from the high school football game for a late night after dinner and bath, I kissed the girl and sent her off to bed.  Caleb and Miranda had finally returned home, and I was enjoying chatting a bit with my big kids.  Suddenly a damp pajama-clad little girl appears in the kitchen, "Ma, I need you.  Duh toilet water (hand signs demonstrate a cascade of water).  No flush." 

As I ran up the stairs, I hollered back at my half-asleep husband that he needed to get up and find the plunger!

Poor Keziah had to deal with frantic parents trying to decipher what had happended, "Did you poop?  Did you use a LOT of toilet paper?"  The final question, "How many times did you flush?!?"  Scared eyes hesitated to answer.  Three little fingers were finally revealed.

Okay, you can criticize our late night parenting.  We really weren't trying to traumatize our little girl.  We just needed some factual information quickly so we could solve the problem and clean up the mess.

Keziah scurried back to her bed while we went to work.  She has a straight shot view of the bathroom so she got to watch us plunged and clean up the mess.

Not really my first choice for late night fun.

So why do I mention the missing years?

Because in the midst of it all, we have to reassure her that she's okay.  No one punishes her for the accident. 

Toilets overflow! 

But some of the missing pieces of her time in China show up on nights like this.  She doesn't know not to stuff the toilet full of paper, and doesn't know to get a grown-up when it doesn't flush the first time...especially in an upstairs, carpeted bathroom! 

(Don't get me started about why anyone would carpet a bathroom!)

The other missing piece for Keziah is our unconditional love for her...no matter what.  Missing years of loving.  You just can't fill all those years up with enough hugs and kisses.  We live each day earning bits and pieces of more and more trust. 

Okay, so after a few more loads of late night laundry - gotta have band stuff cleaned for the morning parade and football gear cleaned for the morning game - I think I'm gonna need a shower.  Just can't go straight to bed after cleaning up toilet water. 

YUCK!