One Very Blessed Mama (needing to vent a little)

God is so infinitely wise! 

I am ever so thankful that He blessed me with my four bio kiddos.  I never had to face the challenges and heartbreak of infertility. 

And the rest of the world should also be grateful too. 

Because I'm terribly afraid that I would be one very militant, agressive, bitter, angry, adoptive mom otherwise.

Sounds awful, doesn't it?

But I LOVE all my kiddos!!!  No matter whether they were born of my womb or born in my heart.  The labor of love for my adopted daughters has been more emotionally and physically exhausting than any of my pregnancies or deliveries.  I have SIX beautiful and incredible kids.  And I am passionately in love with each and every one of them.  They are all 100% Wade and 100% my blessings, no matter what DNA or genetics might say.

So why my tirade tonight?

There are a couple of new copy-and-post things that have popped up in the FaceBook world of my friends. 

First of all, please note that I am NOT a copy-and-post person.  No matter how much I love my husband, support the USA, love my kids, etc., I'm just not gonna do it.

But these latest ones are driving the adoptive mom part of me crazy.  They are really beautiful.  They talk about loving our kids before they are born, cuddling them and feeding them.  All those warm nuturing things that mommies do. 

It's just so hard though.  I love both of my littlest girls.  I've loved them before I ever laid eyes on them.  Prayed for them before I ever held them in my arms.  But I never felt them move within me.  I never gave birth to these children.  I didn't see them take their first breath.  They didn't nuzzle in my arms as I feed them.  I never saw their first smile, the first time they rolled over, their first steps, etc.  The list is endless.

But these are my girls!  The two youngest of my three girls!  Two of my six kids!  I am their mama!

I'm not their birth mother.  Or for Keziah, I'm not even the foster mama who cared for her for years.  But I am their forever mama.  We are their forever family - dad, mom, brothers, and sisters forever.

I won't be copying-and-posting any of these latest blurbs.  I won't even be liking any of them on my friends' postings.  I'm not angry with anyone.

I guess I'm just amazed how many times we forget the women who have experienced infertility.  These same women who long for a child to grow within their womb but will never experience this miracle.  We forget about all the families who have been blessed by the miracle of adoption...an equally amazing part of God's plan for growing families.  We don't realize how much innocent words can hurt, how the knife of our tongue penetrates through the heart and twists painfully.

I know that people don't intend to be thoughtless or cruel.  Just like I know that at the baby and child dedication service we attended for Keziah after she came home, our pastor's words of encouragement to all these parents who had "chosen life for these babies" were spoken to bless all.  But still over a year later I hear them ringing in my ears, because I never had that choice.  Two women living half a world away, whom I will probably never meet and never know, made the choice to give life to my daughters.  Other people found my girls and cared for them for years before I could bring them home.  Yes, I made the choice to become their mama, but I didn't have the priviledge to choose to give them life.

Or I'm remind of a mom at one of my children's sporting practices a while back.  She was sharing with another parent how she and her husband had tried one last time for a girl after several boys.  Though friends had encouraged them to consider adoption if having a girl was truly important, she expressed how important it was to them to have a child of their "own."  Uhm...as I sat their entertaining my OWN child...my youngest little girl...my daughter who we had adopted...one of my OWN six children (just waiting for number six to come home)...all while I watched another of my own children running around after some ball.

Really, I'm not angry...nor am I bitter toward anyone.  I guess I'm just writing to tonight to encourage myself and others to carefully consider our words (spoken or typed), to consider our audience. 

Toothpaste tube illustration here - once you squeeze it out...you can't put it back in.