I love my kiddos! God has so richly blessed us with five amazing kids at home and one more we are waiting to enjoy. Yes, they are also big pains in the neck sometimes! They have helped to grow and stretch me in ways I never imagined possible. They challenge me...daily. GOTTA LOVE 'EM!
The oldest four grew inside me. I knew them before the world ever saw their sweet faces. They kicked and squirmed with personality. They demanded that I take notice. I've changed their diapers and wiped their snotty noses for their entire lives. I knew everything that went in and came out. I know these kiddos well...or so I thought.
Even as our kids are growing up so fast, we've managed to stay very connected as a family. We talk a LOT here in Wade World. Getting a word in edgewise can be challenging. Despite rolling eyes and moans and groans, they attend sporting events, recitals, theatre productions, etc. for one another. We try to keep tabs on latest crushes, broken hearts, BFF's, etc. Plus there are grades and schoolwork. Oh, and I almost forgot doctor and dental chaos, because I alone am responsible for remembering everyone's allegies and medical history at the drop of a hat. I know these kids (all five). What makes them tick. Their strengths and weaknesses. Likes and dislikes. You name it; I know it!
However, I'm struggling a bit right now. My world has been rocked. Everything I thought I knew has shifted and become unstable.
Teenagers!
Yep, it's my oldest who has unsettled my world. Sixteen years old. How did that happen so fast? Caleb, my first born, my baby boy, the one who made me a mom.
I thought I knew this child well. We worked through his elementary and middle school years, helping to guide and direct his choices. Letting him explore many different areas to find what he enjoyed doing. By the time he was finishing eighth grade and developing his high school educational plan, both he and I thought we knew the direction in which he was heading. He vowed that he would never change his high school plan. I almost believed him.
First semester of his freshmen year, we had his first "Mom?" moment. He had fallen in love with debating, wanted to debate all four years of high school, and wanted my help coordinating with his counselor to make that happen. This made perfect sense! We were all tired of debating with him around the house. Let him argue and research till his heart's content.
Ah! Life was now settled. His world consisted of debate and cross country racing in the fall.
Cross country? Perfect sport for him! He loved it! Ran two years in middle school. He had even tried track and swimming, but cross country was where he had settled. Okay, I'm his mom, but I'm also a realist. He wasn't that natural runner who always won, but he enjoyed it. Cross country is not a fun spectator sport. It's boring when you're dragging younger siblings around. He continued to improve and had great plans for his final two years of high school. Every fall we stick the supportive parent sign in our front yard, and I even stuck a sticker to the back of my SUV. Proud. Proud of my kid.
One of the requirements for graduation is that fine arts class. We planned for him to take an intro to theater class because it wouldn't be too painful. He participated in children's choir musicals at church. He was always cast as the character who had all the Bible verses to memorize because he could do it. His real passion though wasn't on stage but in the techie booth.
Sophomore year, first semester. The drama teacher is excited to learn that he's a techie. Though cross country has him too busy in the fall, she'd love it if he'd help out with the spring musical. Fine.
But then they started working in class. She discovered that he could actually ACT. New reccomendation - try out for the musical. Okay.
It's a musical, so he had to sing too. Fortunately, before auditions, the choir teacher offered to work with any kids who wanted some extra help. Guess what he discovered? Caleb could sing too. A little raw and untrained, but he could sing. In fact, the choir teacher offered to let him join the choir for the second semester instead of being stuck in Art History to complete the fine arts requirement. A little work on my part with the counselor, but we got it done.
Caleb LOVED his theatrical experience! Made some great friends. Even scolded his sister and I for not telling him how much fun the theater was. Wanted to do more acting next year. Sure, but of course in the spring again...after cross country...and in between debate stuff...right?
NOPE! Total life direction change! He has found his BLISS! No more cross country! No more debate! Just theater, singing, dancing, acting! WHAT?!?
We changed his schedule, again. Drop debate and start forensics instead. Fall play, spring musical, one acts! You name it! If it involves drama, he's all over it. He is even considering competing in a duet piece with his sister. Why? Because she's my drama queen! She's the forensics, band geek, honor choir, musical kids. NOT HIM!!!
Yes, I reeling! I've got to scrape that sticker off my rear window! This new son is a mystery to me.
Maybe, I'm a little jealous. He found his bliss. He discovered something that he just loves doing. But he's not even finished his sophomore year of high school!
Lots of people that know me now know of my passion for drama ministry. They've seem me perform in church settings. Some even know that a couple of times I even did some community theater with some of my kids. They also assume that drama and theatre have always been a part of my life, that I surely did this in high school or maybe even in college. It's even been assumed that I'm an extroverted personality.
But see, this is not who I was. I was such a wall-flower, so incredibly shy. I had no self-esteem, no self confidence. I was afraid of my own shadow. Go on stage? Are you kidding!
For me, acting and drama ministry has truly been a gifting from God in my life. I can do it because that's how God wired me. I have attended some workshops and training, but I don't have an extensive history. My kids probably have more official training from their limited high school and middle school classes than I do.
At my core, I'm still a very introverted person. But give me a script and a stage or just give me that microphone and I come alive. I truly don't understand the stage fight most people experience. I can talk to crowds of hundreds but hate making cocktail party conversation.
Now if you see me before a performance, I'm still a bundle of nerves. Usually I'm walking or pacing off nervous energy. But it's not so much fear as it is concern. The prayer that always runs through my heart and mind is, "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing and acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer." What I do - all the craziness with kids. or leading a women's Bible study, or acting a skit on stage - is not for me, for personal glory of fame. This is my ministry, my service to God for His glory. My bliss is in Him.
So, I guess I am a little jealous of my kids...Caleb especially right now...and Miranda too. They are discovering their bliss so young. They are enjoying doing the very thing that I have learned to love too.
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My little boys? They are still exploring and discovering. If I had to guess right now? Sports. They both love sports. Not sure where they will settle, but for now every season they can find something that involves a ball that they love to do.
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Keziah and Hadassah - Please know, my sweet little girls, that even though God did not allow me the priviledge of being your birth mama and knowing each of you for nine precious months before you were born, that He made you perfectly my girls. I guess I just needed some extra mama training to be ready for you. God used your older brothers and sister to help me learn about loving. Keziah, you are a stinker! And I love you sooooo much. Hadassah, you're not even home yet and you're breaking my heart. I love you, Girls! Please know that your Forever Mama loves you. But most importantly, I pray that some day you will both know how much your Father God loves you.
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