Time Change (A.K.A. Insomnia)

Soooooo tired, yet soooooo awake.

You might think that my body is already in China, or at least my brain.  I'm struggling to sleep at night...or all through the night.  There is so much that I want to and need to get done before we leave for the airport early next Thursday morning.  Endless lists run through my head all night long. 

Oh, that coupled with a touch of anxiety about finally meeting our daughter.  The unknown is so scary!  My mind keeps playing all sorts of different possibilities about what she will be like when we first meet.  None of them are really good.  Whether its an all out battle of kicking and screaming...or endless crying...or total shutdown...none of them are "good".  She could be totally compliant (that has never happened with any Wade child before!), and still I'd be waiting for her to start grieving, waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Yet somehow words like "obstinate" and "impatient" from her referral file don't lead me to believe that we are looking at meeting the first compliant Wade.

I'm still painting and decorating, cleaning and organizing (even if only in my head), cooking and scheduling.  There is just so much to do! 

Packing?

Oh, that's the pile of STUFF that we are collecting in our bedroom.  We just keep throwing this and that at the pile on top of and surrounding two suitcases.  Making final clothing decisions, actually putting stuff in the suitcases, and weighing them?  Uhmmmm....not yet. 

Last trip Christopher came home and said he took too many clothes.  When I listed off the items I actually saw myself wearing in all our pictures from 2009, he declared that we NEEDED more clothes than that.

Last trip we were over our weight limit for in country travel from Beijing to Keziah's province before we had her extra weight allowance.  Vowed to be under weight this time.  Not so sure about that right now.

Am I freaking out right now?

YES!!!

I know that I've done this before.  But this time, all the novelty of going to China is gone.  I know that Beijing is cold.  I know that two weeks apart as a family is hard for all of us.  I know that this is an emotionally and physically draining trip.  THIS IS NO VACATION!  I know that I just want my daughter, and I want to come home.

So I still owe the bloggy world a Christmas report.  I'll try to squeeze that in some time.  Honestly, I think my kids got jipped this year.  For all of us, Christmas was just one more thing to get through before Hadassah Peiwu can come home.  Now we're just trying to get every ribbon and bow packed away before we pack our suitcases.

Maybe not too bad for the kids though.  They have LOVED playing with Barbies and Legos for hours.  Then when their mean mom allows them, they spend time playing electronic stuff too.  They still get grouchy and argue, but there have been hours of peace.  Not too bad for Christmas break?!?

Good night (or good morning)!  Gonna try to get a little sleep.  LOTS to do tomorrow...and the next day...and the next day...etc...until January 6th!!!