Reality Check part 2 - Siblings

Really trying to compose my thoughts for y'all.  Maybe I'll have more time this week?  Spring Break with all six kiddos home to drive me crazy!  So with less on the school schedules and if there is no blood shed, maybe I can have a thought and type it.

So, back to that new baby image...

When we had our first four homegrown kiddos, each just two years apart, it was no surprise that the older ones each had some adjusting to process through.  Whether they were loving on the new baby too much or about to take him/her out or coloring on walls and furniture, everyone accepted these as "normal" behaviors for this season of our familiy's life.

Fast forward to when Keziah came home...somehow it seemed to shock people that our kids were having adjustment issues with a new sibling in the home.  Maybe because our older kids were 8,10,12, and 14?  Maybe because we had all waited for and anticipated her homecoming for so long?  Maybe because she was 6 years old and not a newborn? 

However, there was a LOT of new sibling adjustment going on in our home!  It was not fun.  It was not pretty.  And it lasted for well over an year with some of our kids.

Miranda got the little sister that she had always dreamed of, but this was not a dream.  Elijah lost his baby status, but this was no baby.  Keziah didn't lay in a crib gurgling and cooing.  She was a smart and sassy six year old master manipulator.  She knew just how to push everyone's buttons and create emotional chaos, language barrier or not.  Allies and enemies.  Love and hate.  OH MY!  What a ride that was.

So when we proposed adopting again to our kids, Elijah readily gave his consent.  However, secretly he knew this would be his revenge on Keziah.  And he was right!

Keziah had no idea what was about to happen to her world, no matter how much we tried to prepare her for a new sister.  The princess has been dethroned! 

Keziah started regressing before we traveled.  She cried and pouted when we got home and declared that she wanted to go live with her grandparents because we were no fun.  She is struggling with her behavior at home and school.  Sometimes, she's just plain mean to her new little sister.  Warfare over who owns what is maddening!  They even argue over who owns my dog!

Elijah?  He's loving this!  The week before we left for China I would drive he and Keziah home from school listening to Elijah complaining that Keziah's singing was giving him a headache.  Second day of school after we got home, Keziah complained that Hadassah Peiwu's singing in the car was giving her a headache!...Elijah just smiled.

He too is experiencing his own issues.  But not as drastic this time.  We learned a lot last time about how important it is for all the kids to have some special times without the new one.  Josiah and Elijah are living for this summer when they are going to have a special trip together with just Dad.  That trip alone is enough for them to make it through some of the rough days.

Miranda?  At 14, maybe you think this is an easy adjustment for her?  WRONG!

I am counting my blessings that we have great kids and lots of open communication with them all!  Miranda has her own struggles, but at least we can talk them out.  An off-the-cuff comment made about Hadassah Peiwu being a "Daddy's girl" crushed Miranda.  Why?  Because until two years ago, she was Daddy's ONLY GIRL.  Her monopoly came to an end.  No matter how old you are, it can still hurt.  Lots of chatting, lots of loving, and she's making it through that bump in the road.

Shocker #2 - After feeling alone and outnumbered as the only girl in the family, after longing for sisters, she now has two in just two years; however, a new isolation hit.  Okay, in our home and family, we just have six kids.  They are just my kids.  When we leave the house, I can't understand how the rest of the world can't SEE that these are all my kids.  I can see it!!!  Now imagine poor Miranda's plight...she has two sisters who look more like sisters to one another than they do to her.  In a new way, she feels outnumbered, again.  Our only non-Chinese daughter.  Ugh!  I didn't see that one coming.

Caleb?  Well, at almost 17, with a busy life, a new summer job, hopes and dreams of his senior year and college in his future, a new little sister doesn't affect him quite the same as the others.  His greatest complaints are at the dinner table where she invades his space and touches his food.  (Never come between a teenage boy and food!)

So my point of blogging today?  Don't discount the realities of total family adjustments to a new sibling...no matter how old the any of the kids are.  Adopting an older child doesn't change the fact that the entire family enters a new season of life filled with change.  Also, it doesn't magically shorten the adjustment period for the family.  In some ways, I think it took longer after Keziah came home for everyone to settle than it did when we brought home new babies.